I saw an observation that when we begin developing in the womb, one of the first developments is the anus. Apparently there are people who do not get far beyond that stage and remain assholes their entire life. I found that both accurate and amusing.
Apparently, the first embryonic opening becomes the mouth, and the second opening becomes the anus, at 4 and 8 weeks respectively. Regardless, it's early on in the process.
Great advice. Can I call you Kim Landers? (Remember Ann Landers or Dear Abbey?)
I would add some very wise words from the book The Four Agreements. 1. Don't take anything personally and 2. Don't assume. You have no idea how this person was raised or how they interpreted their life experiences that made them who they are today. You have nothing to do with this. Nothing.
This helped me deal with toxic people in my life.
3 and 4 are Be impeccable with your word, and always do your best.
Thanks Carissa. Perfect additions. I have the book by my bed. It's a 'must have close by' type of book. There were a few that didn't get downsized during the move and that was one of them.
As for Dear Abby and Dear Ann I LOVED reading them. That was about as close as I got to any kind of insight into feelings and people for decades. They were therapy before people went to therapy I think!
For me that book was "A Course in Miracles". I bought it years ago. Tried to read it. I felt like I was reading a foreign language. It became a giant door stop. Then early last year I figured I'd give it another try. I had asked Neil where he thought I should start. So, I started there and haven't looked back. It definitely translated in my head this time.
I think it's the same with all the great books, we get different lessons each time. Sometimes it's the opposite, I'll pick up a book I loved and wonder what the heck I was thinking?!
I've always had a difficult time when I thought someone didn't like me, and I didn't know why. Sometimes in an organization or in business, i had to do things that naturally led to their not liking me and that was easy to deal with. If I had to fire someone, there was clarity to their dislike.
So I can really relate to the question and benefit from the answer.
Thanks Confused and Hurting and thanks Kim (and Neil).
Kim, I can't thank you enough for sharing what Neil would have said. It's difficult to remember some of the things he told me during our marriage. I should have wrote them down. All the books like Course of Miracles, Four Agreements; Neil could quote word for word from. He even knew exactly what page a quote was on. Right Kim. So many books in his office he used for reference. Hand to the client and he'd just tell them to turn to page ?. Such a gifted man!! During the Holiday Season this advice is so important for many. Merry Christmas to you and yours. Thinking of you ...... Love Annie
I remember this so well Annie. The first time he told me to open one of those books and turn to page 239 and then I did and it was completely relevant to what we had just talked about...oof, it was like a crazy party trick. How did he do that? Then after awhile, you just reach for the book and ask him, which page. ;) I took a picture of the books on the table in front of the couch. I didn't want to forget them. It's one of the black and white's I took. I wish I could add a photo in this comment to show you.
Merry Christmas to you and your family Annie. Lots of love to you from the west coast. xo
As one who is retired from the mental health world, I would say your answer is an excellent one. I enjoyed reading your work. It is a truth we all would do well to embrace during the Holidays in particular. Thanks for shining the light on this topic.
"You can turn yourself into a pretzel trying to figure it out, but I wouldn’t bother. (Been there, done that.)" I like the directness of your writing and advice. Though I'm maybe not sure what turning yourself into a pretzel would look like.
Thanks Jeffrey. As for the pretzel turning, it's best not to imagine. It's not pretty. Although I'm sure a few of my funnier women friends on here would know what it's like and have some kind of funny response as to what it looks like. ;)
This is great, Kim. I suppose I would've asked her what her age is...because she will likely run out of fux to give soon (especially, considering how many she's giving in this situation). The BIL also sounds the kind of guy who likes to be pursued. The more she tries to get him to like her, the more he doesn't. Of course, when she stops caring, he'll likely accuse her of being rude to him. This is likely a no-win. Man's rejection is God's protection. Say hello, move on and enjoy the rest of the night. xo
I saw an observation that when we begin developing in the womb, one of the first developments is the anus. Apparently there are people who do not get far beyond that stage and remain assholes their entire life. I found that both accurate and amusing.
I came here to leave a comment but then I saw that the best comment had already been made, so... 😂
I think this one could go down in the history books of funny comments.
What a factoid!
I figure one person's asshole is another person's hero. But, yes, that fact is very amusing.
LMAO! Is that true tho about the anus?
Apparently, the first embryonic opening becomes the mouth, and the second opening becomes the anus, at 4 and 8 weeks respectively. Regardless, it's early on in the process.
That makes total sense. We need to eat and poop. Even when hospitalized, they won't let you go home until you've eaten and pooped.
Great advice. Can I call you Kim Landers? (Remember Ann Landers or Dear Abbey?)
I would add some very wise words from the book The Four Agreements. 1. Don't take anything personally and 2. Don't assume. You have no idea how this person was raised or how they interpreted their life experiences that made them who they are today. You have nothing to do with this. Nothing.
This helped me deal with toxic people in my life.
3 and 4 are Be impeccable with your word, and always do your best.
Life changing book.
Wonderful post, Kim.
Thanks Carissa. Perfect additions. I have the book by my bed. It's a 'must have close by' type of book. There were a few that didn't get downsized during the move and that was one of them.
As for Dear Abby and Dear Ann I LOVED reading them. That was about as close as I got to any kind of insight into feelings and people for decades. They were therapy before people went to therapy I think!
Kim Landers, and Neil, dish out great advice.
I love The Four Agreements, thanks for sharing this reminder of what they are.
It's so funny how you have to be ready for that book. I read it many years ago but it wasn't until this year that the book truly penetrated.
For me that book was "A Course in Miracles". I bought it years ago. Tried to read it. I felt like I was reading a foreign language. It became a giant door stop. Then early last year I figured I'd give it another try. I had asked Neil where he thought I should start. So, I started there and haven't looked back. It definitely translated in my head this time.
I need to read that one. Thx for reminder. 🙏
I think it's the same with all the great books, we get different lessons each time. Sometimes it's the opposite, I'll pick up a book I loved and wonder what the heck I was thinking?!
I've always had a difficult time when I thought someone didn't like me, and I didn't know why. Sometimes in an organization or in business, i had to do things that naturally led to their not liking me and that was easy to deal with. If I had to fire someone, there was clarity to their dislike.
So I can really relate to the question and benefit from the answer.
Thanks Confused and Hurting and thanks Kim (and Neil).
Thanks David. P.S. That's a great way to phrase this .... 'clarity to their dislike.'
Kim, I can't thank you enough for sharing what Neil would have said. It's difficult to remember some of the things he told me during our marriage. I should have wrote them down. All the books like Course of Miracles, Four Agreements; Neil could quote word for word from. He even knew exactly what page a quote was on. Right Kim. So many books in his office he used for reference. Hand to the client and he'd just tell them to turn to page ?. Such a gifted man!! During the Holiday Season this advice is so important for many. Merry Christmas to you and yours. Thinking of you ...... Love Annie
I remember this so well Annie. The first time he told me to open one of those books and turn to page 239 and then I did and it was completely relevant to what we had just talked about...oof, it was like a crazy party trick. How did he do that? Then after awhile, you just reach for the book and ask him, which page. ;) I took a picture of the books on the table in front of the couch. I didn't want to forget them. It's one of the black and white's I took. I wish I could add a photo in this comment to show you.
Merry Christmas to you and your family Annie. Lots of love to you from the west coast. xo
GREAT post! A great deal of wisdom here! 💜
Thanks Sue. xo
As one who is retired from the mental health world, I would say your answer is an excellent one. I enjoyed reading your work. It is a truth we all would do well to embrace during the Holidays in particular. Thanks for shining the light on this topic.
Thank-you Brenda.
The serenity prayer has moved me through and past much of life’s uncontrollable 🙏
"You can turn yourself into a pretzel trying to figure it out, but I wouldn’t bother. (Been there, done that.)" I like the directness of your writing and advice. Though I'm maybe not sure what turning yourself into a pretzel would look like.
Thanks Jeffrey. As for the pretzel turning, it's best not to imagine. It's not pretty. Although I'm sure a few of my funnier women friends on here would know what it's like and have some kind of funny response as to what it looks like. ;)
😅
This is great, Kim. I suppose I would've asked her what her age is...because she will likely run out of fux to give soon (especially, considering how many she's giving in this situation). The BIL also sounds the kind of guy who likes to be pursued. The more she tries to get him to like her, the more he doesn't. Of course, when she stops caring, he'll likely accuse her of being rude to him. This is likely a no-win. Man's rejection is God's protection. Say hello, move on and enjoy the rest of the night. xo
Ha! So true. So very true.
Stellar advice!
This is such a great piece.