There are some kick-ass women I’ve discovered on the Substack platform like Marya Hornbacher, Jennifer Barnett, Jen Hitze, Emily McDowell and Rachel Katz to name a few. All these women have had big jobs, titles, careers and for all intents and purposes ‘arrived’ and achieved great success. There is also a theme that runs through many of their stories about being stymied, blocked or somehow held back simply for being women at the top of their game. They succeeded in spite of, not because of.
“It’s a job” could help a lot of people put their work into a healthier perspective. I’ve seen “it’s a calling” both motivate people and used in an abusive way against people (i.e., as a way to demand more of someone without offering any compensation or support, that is, by guilting them into doing more work than they should because “it’s a calling”). But I think it all often depends on the individual and their current situation.
I agree with everything you’ve said ☝️Jeanne. I’m not sure when the job versus calling idea first started but I wish I had a healthier perspective on the whole concept a long time ago.
Kim, this is a brilliantly unapologetic and elevating piece that inspires levity in decision making. So important for many feeling the weight and even pressure of the perfect role. I appreciate this!
Yes, yours, mine and so many other women it seems. I think it's a generational thing. So, hopefully next generation will not have to suffer what so many of us have.
Well said. Excellent piece. I over-dedicated myself for decades as a rabid workaholic navigating a male maze to "get ahead" and with beautiful hindsight, see how silly and harmful it was. But so hard to resist when you're a success-junkie doer in a culture that dangles a gold ring out as possible reward for the dedication. I watched the video too - so great. My mid-30's daughter has drawn boundaries: 40 hours only to her tech management job. That's it. I love her for it. Thank you for an essay that punches another hole in the workaholic/calling myth. I do believe in callings and finding one's unique place but no longer think it must be found in a job.
I can see my daughter who’s in her mid 30’s setting boundaries as well. She runs her own business and has two young toddlers. I think she was following my example in her early days and burning the candle at both ends. She has done some good course correcting after seeing me finally flame out after decades of being a workaholic. Sounds like your daughters got it right!
'It's just a job' is a brilliant sentiment and I agree with you Kim. However, I have to watch I'm not being a hypocrite because I have been the fortunate one to have been able to do work that was/is my calling for the last 30 years. The thing some folks don't see is that even a calling, our deepest passion, if done long enough becomes a job, albeit an excellent and fulfilling one. The push towards our one, unique calling is tied up in our culture of toxic positivity and is unrealistic because our dream vocation can become a grind in a short time.
I need to catch myself with the 'lazy-girl' attitude, not about work but about life in general. It runs deep in my familial imprint. I hope you and Neil talk about it a little!!
I have ongoing conversations with Neil in my head! Imagining what he’d say. He’s been gone for two years now. Miss him all the time.
I look back on many of our sessions now as I likely wasn’t ready to hear what he was telling me about my work back then. Well I know I wasn’t! I was fortunate to do what I loved for over 30 years, that’s likely why I flamed out so hard. I gave everything to my career because it gave me so much. I realize now I was chasing the addiction of the “atta girl” and “couldn’t do this without you’s”. I needed that affirmation for my self worth and self esteem. But my body just couldn’t maintain that level of stress for that long. Especially after getting the organization through pandemic.
Yes, I think we are cut from the same cloth. You are in such a different place now you must look at yourself and see a totally different person. It's amazing how we can do that over the course of our life.
It seems like a great deal of what Neil taught you lives inside of you, ready to percolate when the time is right. I'm guessing he would be mighty proud of you to see what you're doing here on Substack!
This was great - thank you for the thoughtful and direct advice/reminders, Kim.
Phil’s quote - some of it resonates and some feels uninformed by the complexity of many people’s lives. I think this part is still solid advice and would note that it may have nothing to do with your paid work: Seek a calling. Even if you don’t know what that means, seek it.
I think that’s where I went wrong. I just assumed my calling had to be a job. I see now the difference, I just wish it hadn’t taken me so long to figure it out! 😂
I think a calling is okay in an aspirational sense, all things being equal. For example, if given a choice between two options - a job or a calling - choose the calling. But I think people get too hung up on it as an ideal that, if you don't find it, you've failed in some way. I've been working now for 20 years. I haven't found my calling in a job. I've found it in a hobby that I'd like to be a job (writing) but as I re-enter the workforce, I just want something stable. Whether it's a calling or not is overrated imo.
I think what's more important is finding a job that isn't miserable or toxic.
I think you’ve nailed it on the head with the idea if you don’t find your calling you’ve somehow failed. Which is why so many of us likely tell ourselves (or try to convince ourselves) we’ve found our calling because that sounds a lot better than failing! But sometimes the win is finding steady income. Why can’t it be as simple as that?!
“It’s a job” could help a lot of people put their work into a healthier perspective. I’ve seen “it’s a calling” both motivate people and used in an abusive way against people (i.e., as a way to demand more of someone without offering any compensation or support, that is, by guilting them into doing more work than they should because “it’s a calling”). But I think it all often depends on the individual and their current situation.
I agree with everything you’ve said ☝️Jeanne. I’m not sure when the job versus calling idea first started but I wish I had a healthier perspective on the whole concept a long time ago.
Kim, this is a brilliantly unapologetic and elevating piece that inspires levity in decision making. So important for many feeling the weight and even pressure of the perfect role. I appreciate this!
Thanks Thalia. I’m glad to hear it resonated and I appreciate your thoughtful comment.
Thanks for the shout out Kim! Here’s hoping women can learn from my mistakes!
Yes, yours, mine and so many other women it seems. I think it's a generational thing. So, hopefully next generation will not have to suffer what so many of us have.
Well said. Excellent piece. I over-dedicated myself for decades as a rabid workaholic navigating a male maze to "get ahead" and with beautiful hindsight, see how silly and harmful it was. But so hard to resist when you're a success-junkie doer in a culture that dangles a gold ring out as possible reward for the dedication. I watched the video too - so great. My mid-30's daughter has drawn boundaries: 40 hours only to her tech management job. That's it. I love her for it. Thank you for an essay that punches another hole in the workaholic/calling myth. I do believe in callings and finding one's unique place but no longer think it must be found in a job.
I can see my daughter who’s in her mid 30’s setting boundaries as well. She runs her own business and has two young toddlers. I think she was following my example in her early days and burning the candle at both ends. She has done some good course correcting after seeing me finally flame out after decades of being a workaholic. Sounds like your daughters got it right!
Thanks for sharing Joan.
'It's just a job' is a brilliant sentiment and I agree with you Kim. However, I have to watch I'm not being a hypocrite because I have been the fortunate one to have been able to do work that was/is my calling for the last 30 years. The thing some folks don't see is that even a calling, our deepest passion, if done long enough becomes a job, albeit an excellent and fulfilling one. The push towards our one, unique calling is tied up in our culture of toxic positivity and is unrealistic because our dream vocation can become a grind in a short time.
I need to catch myself with the 'lazy-girl' attitude, not about work but about life in general. It runs deep in my familial imprint. I hope you and Neil talk about it a little!!
I have ongoing conversations with Neil in my head! Imagining what he’d say. He’s been gone for two years now. Miss him all the time.
I look back on many of our sessions now as I likely wasn’t ready to hear what he was telling me about my work back then. Well I know I wasn’t! I was fortunate to do what I loved for over 30 years, that’s likely why I flamed out so hard. I gave everything to my career because it gave me so much. I realize now I was chasing the addiction of the “atta girl” and “couldn’t do this without you’s”. I needed that affirmation for my self worth and self esteem. But my body just couldn’t maintain that level of stress for that long. Especially after getting the organization through pandemic.
I suspect we’re cut from the same cloth!
Yes, I think we are cut from the same cloth. You are in such a different place now you must look at yourself and see a totally different person. It's amazing how we can do that over the course of our life.
It seems like a great deal of what Neil taught you lives inside of you, ready to percolate when the time is right. I'm guessing he would be mighty proud of you to see what you're doing here on Substack!
This was great - thank you for the thoughtful and direct advice/reminders, Kim.
Phil’s quote - some of it resonates and some feels uninformed by the complexity of many people’s lives. I think this part is still solid advice and would note that it may have nothing to do with your paid work: Seek a calling. Even if you don’t know what that means, seek it.
I think that’s where I went wrong. I just assumed my calling had to be a job. I see now the difference, I just wish it hadn’t taken me so long to figure it out! 😂
I think a calling is okay in an aspirational sense, all things being equal. For example, if given a choice between two options - a job or a calling - choose the calling. But I think people get too hung up on it as an ideal that, if you don't find it, you've failed in some way. I've been working now for 20 years. I haven't found my calling in a job. I've found it in a hobby that I'd like to be a job (writing) but as I re-enter the workforce, I just want something stable. Whether it's a calling or not is overrated imo.
I think what's more important is finding a job that isn't miserable or toxic.
I think you’ve nailed it on the head with the idea if you don’t find your calling you’ve somehow failed. Which is why so many of us likely tell ourselves (or try to convince ourselves) we’ve found our calling because that sounds a lot better than failing! But sometimes the win is finding steady income. Why can’t it be as simple as that?!
I love your perspective, Kim! Thanks so much for putting yourself (and your work) out there
Thanks Jen. I enjoy your five big ideas concept and have tried it out when I journal or feel stuck. 🙏
Thank you for this beautiful post. 🙏🏻
Thank you for the inspiration!