Never could mingle with any grace. I am short (5 feet is the best I could do - and shrinking), speak with a soft voice, lack the authority brought by coming from the right family etc etc. But put me on a stage with a microphone and I can hold an audience with the best of them! Never knew I could do that until it happened. Surely you were there with that microphone too on many occasions. Was it better there?
Yes, my recent discovery is that yes, I'm still good at being in the front with the microphone. Just have to figure out how best to harness and utilize it so it's healthier for me. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and the post!
You had me at "the room was dark" .... as someone who has worked in the sport sector since 1991, I sadly can relate to the experience you describe. I was the youngest Press Chief at the Sydney Olympics in 2000 so you can imagine how many times the bosses in the room told me to be a good girl and let me know when my boss was going to show up.
In those moments, I felt I had to choose between a rock and a Dick ... and I always chose the space in the middle. The so called road less travelled.
As you know I've written 100+ blogs since 2009 ... on topics ranging from management by values and humanistic leadership development and everything in between. In 2007 I decided to not go back to the sector I loved as an employee and instead forged my own path. I decided I wanted to stop faking it and made it on my own. My company Sport Law, who I co-own with one of my best friends, was ahead of its time ... working from home, creating a consultancy business that was based on shared values ... being in service of over servicing ... affordable and leading edge ... and friendly to a mom who didn't want to choose between living her best life and being a present parent and spouse. This organization turns 33 next year and it's been my home since 2010. I had to re-write the rules to feel like I belonged and I'm so glad I did.
Sometimes leaving is leading.
Now, at 56, I'm forging a new path ... one that is helping me advocate for grief and loss literacy. It's informed by my years at a strategist, leadership coach and business woman ... but these days, I get way more inspiration and satisfaction hanging out here, with all of you. Kim, I really do think we need to do this road trip.
Oh and a note about the men ... in sport, because it was forged in a hyper masculine era, the women in the room were equally as toxic, dismissive and hurtful. In fact, I've been harmed by the women more so than the men ... I think it's because I expected more from my sistas. Does that resonate with anyone else?
Unfortunately, yes. That's a whole different story.
You've built such a strong business Dina and have helped so many people in the sport sector and now a much wider group of people get to benefit from your wisdom as you forge your new path. I'm excited for you.
The picture you share here is very powerful Kim, as is the essay. What is still happening in our country boggles the mind as the numbers continue to drop for hockey enrollment and the powers-that-be maintain the status quo. It was shocking how they handled that situation when the news broke, I kept waiting thinking, 'now is their opportunity to do the right thing'. Sadly nope. It's interesting when something is so deeply ingrained in the culture that nothing will get it to shift. It pervades every community across the country - I have horror stories from our own idyllic town that match the national ones.
As much as we need changemakers like you I'm so glad you got out!
I was so hopeful that because it was HOCKEY CANADA the crown jewel of Canada's sport system being exposed that it HAD to be the catalyst for the governance and culture changes a few of us brave souls were trying to make at the time. I remember saying to my rep at Sport Canada, "if the governance isn't up to snuff, then withhold our funding, or there's no way for us to make the change happen." We needed a stick, not a carrot to convince the powers that be (boards and provincial executive bodies) to vote for the changes that were required. And I was told they don't withhold funding. Lo and behold, Hockey Canada lost all of it's government funding (and some major sponsors too), but they still had so much money in the bank, they could withstand it for a time. (Unlike the smaller sports whose life depends on those funds to exist.)
A few key things happened then...The government forced them to overhaul the entire board; the provincial bodies that vote for the national body board members had to play ball too which meant paying attention and not just voting in the normal cronies, friends and buddies, but people with skill sets that are suitable for running a multi-million dollar company and board. Not some friend of a friend of Dick, who used to play hockey and his son played and he's a good guy...yada yada, let's vote for him to run things. There's so much rot in the system it will take a long time to change.
The good news is one of my partners in crime who wanted to change the system was appointed the CEO of Hockey Canada after all this went down. I wished her Godspeed and hope and pray she isn't being eaten alive by the internal underbelly that is still so dysfunctional. She has a much stronger constitution than I. There are still a few good people trying to change things from within. And I keep my fingers and toes crossed for them and I'm rooting for them.
But no one in the government or the Canadian Olympic Committee should be shocked by any of the headlines coming out of these larger sport organizations. They were all warned and a few of us were practically begging them to make changes and give us what we needed to make them. To no avail. Hopefully that is changing now.
I appreciate this clarification Kim, it gives me hope that our grandchildren will have decency in sport when they get there (mine aren't born yet, sadly yours might still have to put up with some BS).
Kim, you are my soul sister, as you already know. I hate mingling but it came with the job. I hated pretending I wanted to be there, but rarely figured out how not to be. Somehow I endured and now, I get to pick and choose. Mostly I choose no, because I can.
I did notice something I liked, but please clarify if I misunderstood. It sounded as if the gender dynamic pissed off your male colleague, who kind of softened up the beach for the Marines (you!) to land and take charge. If so, he was a good guy. I’ve performed that duty myself over the years for my old guy when some moron behaves as if my old guy is invisible. I also mentored a young woman who managed one of our largest and most technically complex programs. When we went to meetings at embassies or NGO technical meetings, and if someone talked over her to me, I’d ask them why they were talking to me. I’m not the project director, she is, and my job is simply to support her. Usually they took the hint, and she quickly developed more confidence and assertiveness. I was so proud of her and I let her know.
Hi Switter, yes, you picked it up right. He got right pissed about how I was treated and the double standard. He was a very good guy. We spoke about it often after meetings. The other thing we both noticed was that if he had an idea or announced a decision that had been made, it was generally well-received, if not overtly praised. As if gold pearls were falling from his mouth. And especially if he just spelled it out.. a, b, c. The other guys would shoot rainbows up his ass falling over themselves to be on board with him. If I did the same, it was met with silence, or I was told I was too direct, pushy, etc, etc... (fill in the blank with whatever adjective.) He and I would just look at each other like, WTF?? We just said the same thing.
When I took on my last overseas job, I made a lot of changes that upset some of my expats, and some of my expats did not receive contract renewals. When I first arrived, there was a young German who managed a project apparently because of his gender, but he was a real ass. I removed him from the project, promoted his assistant who was a highly competent and educated local woman, and my personnel problems on the project disappeared. Eventually, I chose to not renew many of the expatriate contracts because our talented local staff was being held back and I am all about building local capacity. As it turned out, almost all the expat men were replaced by local women, not because they were women, but because they were the best candidates. For a couple of projects, I promoted two young men and they also excelled.
That business of talking past someone because of the age, gender, or race is maybe the fastest way to piss me off and get hammered with a full bodied rebuke. I don’t really understand why, and I’m not going to go all soul searching about it. Maybe because none of us are invisible and we all should be respected unless we behave otherwise.
Now look what I did. Probably raised my blood pressure.
P.S. you are probably lucky I wasn’t your guy, because I might have said something that crossed a line, but I would have no regrets if someone needed it.
The world is changing, Kim, and for the better. I’m changing for the better by listening and asking questions. I think Amy Gabrielle thought I was a pig at first because her story so grabbed me, but I have such a completely different world view and experience, so I asked awkward questions about things I didn’t understand. She is patient with me and explains her perspective. I think she understands my perspective better. The world changes for the better when we don’t give up until we can understand one another.
I understand your experience much better because it so similar to mine. I know what it feels like to suffer from that thing. That dark, dreadful monster. I often think for me it would be easier to have a visible disability. And I very much understand toxic work environments that make every day like fighting a war. It’s what can happen to us humans, and it can happen to any of us regardless of our innate attributes.
Great piece, Kim. I want to hear more about this Kim. You’re a powerful woman, I’m fascinated by this person you once were. My advice for mingling at holiday gatherings? Stay home. That’s what I do! Works every time! xoxo
Thanks Nan. The stories from that era in my life are slowly starting to formulate and make their way into my drafts. Time and distance is helping me to write with better perspective. I'm sure you'll see more. Thanks for the encouragement.
I can't believe you don't go to the parties!! WHAT??!! You go on stage and perform comedy for crying out loud! You surprise me.
An excellent piece that brings back lots of difficult memories. So many receptions, so many awkward conversations and early exits. I'm glad to be done with it all.
Yes, me too. It's astounding really...all the fakery and transactional relationships yet we all did as expected. Put on our masks and away we went. Thanks for your comment.
When I'm with a reasonable contingent of family, we're often guilty of what we call "clumping" where we form a phalanx of Roberts to protect ourselves from the awful fate of having to mingle with others.
Once we were at an East Hampton cocktail party where we only knew the hosts. Everyone else was a stranger although they seemed to know each other. So I approached a random stranger couple and asked them, "Would you allow us to mingle with you?'
I believe I was asked to repeat the question.
My daughter, keeping herself, barely, from hysterics, tried to explain her father's strange behavior. The couple agreed but soon found a reason to step away.
Clumping. That's a great term for it at a party. Hang together with your 'safe' people. You comment had me burst out laughing David. I can picture you saying that...and so politely too. I can understand why your daughter could hardly keep it together. You've got stories to dine on for days (or your kids do!) Maybe one day, you'll have to have one of them guest post for you and tell one of your older family stories, but from their perspective. That could be fun.
My 10 year high-school reunion was the first time I had a challenge mingling. I was a total wall flower, ignored. My survival go to for mingling at this time of year is to the hostess...that way I have busy things to do and I can walk away from people. And yeah I drink!
I admire your courage showing up girl. I was down the street and couldn't bring myself to do it. I should've and we could've 'clumped' together! You are an amazing hostess. xo
It really burns my bacon that they didn't immediately recognize you for the boss babe you are and bow down!
With mingling, I tend to go all yenta on people... I match like-minded people with like-minded people and set them to talking so that then... I don't have to talk to anyone. I can just sit back and observe. :)
I do DO the fake drinking thing b/c it makes people uncomfortable when I tell them I don't drink b/c of epilepsy... (it pulls focus from the event) or maybe they're wondering if you're in recovery (which is great if you are, but maybe pulls focus from the event?)... so I just let it lie.
I’m a for life teetotaler, but some people can get pushy, so more than once after saying no, and if they kept pushing, I’d say, “Hey look, I’m Russian (I’m not), and I’m a mean drunk, so don’t get me started, because whatever happens will be your fault. Just saying.” People seem to shy away from the possibility of a drunk Russian.
It took me until lockdown to realize what an introvert I actually am. I present as extroverted, but would avoid certain situations (like friends' weddings...sorry!...or not -- I would totally RSVP no, though, LOL), or arrive early then do an Irish exit if I wasn't feeling the vibe. (BTW, I really don't think it's rude to not say goodbye to the host...they have lots of other sh!t going on. I send an email later to say thank you. I don't need to announce my departure. I think interrupting conversation for that is the rude, if not self-important, part.) But, sometimes one does what one must. Smile. Accept forced flattery. Appear charming and delighted and engaged. Then go home, utterly exhausted. And I wouldn't fake-drink. I would drink. Being at that level of arousal/alert/stress, it wouldn't have an effect, though. I've learned to target the people I need to have face time with and get that in early, be happy to meet those folks people think I need to be introduced to, then go find a quiet place to sit and chat with someone interesting. Eventually, those who need/want to will find you there. I've been accused of "holding court" that way. LOL. But, really, it's the way to do it! Saves on sore feet/spares the lower back. And then I don't get in trouble for leaving early. And I love that women executives in this century are still dealing with what women executives dealt with last century. If you don't come in like a bitch on wheels, there's no way you can be the boss. 😘 xo
Ah yes, the "holding court" mingler. The best kind!
I would drag my feet, but then once there, I could turn it on and go with it. But, it took alot out of me. I dropped the drinking not long after I started it. As a menopausal women, it just added to the shit-storm inside my body, so decided best not to adopt this habit. As much as I liked it at the time. I could see it would be a slippery slope for me. I was very lucky to have some very good people around me. They're what kept me going for so long and I still miss them. Especially around this time of year.
Yes, ex-mingler here. My naivete did protect me for a long time though. Instead of seeing it as toxic, I just saw it as a challenge I could fix, once people understood what we were doing. So dumb! So naive.
Yes, I got very used to it. Women make great bosses. But, yes, if you're not smiling, you're a bitch. Sometimes even when you're smiling, they still tag you with the #bitch sign.
I love finding out people's stories. When I was in my job, I had to mingle and mix with everyone or I'd hear about it later. But like you, my internal default was to sit with one or two interesting people and share stories about real life stuff. Weather, schmeather I say!
Never could mingle with any grace. I am short (5 feet is the best I could do - and shrinking), speak with a soft voice, lack the authority brought by coming from the right family etc etc. But put me on a stage with a microphone and I can hold an audience with the best of them! Never knew I could do that until it happened. Surely you were there with that microphone too on many occasions. Was it better there?
Yes, my recent discovery is that yes, I'm still good at being in the front with the microphone. Just have to figure out how best to harness and utilize it so it's healthier for me. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and the post!
You had me at "the room was dark" .... as someone who has worked in the sport sector since 1991, I sadly can relate to the experience you describe. I was the youngest Press Chief at the Sydney Olympics in 2000 so you can imagine how many times the bosses in the room told me to be a good girl and let me know when my boss was going to show up.
In those moments, I felt I had to choose between a rock and a Dick ... and I always chose the space in the middle. The so called road less travelled.
As you know I've written 100+ blogs since 2009 ... on topics ranging from management by values and humanistic leadership development and everything in between. In 2007 I decided to not go back to the sector I loved as an employee and instead forged my own path. I decided I wanted to stop faking it and made it on my own. My company Sport Law, who I co-own with one of my best friends, was ahead of its time ... working from home, creating a consultancy business that was based on shared values ... being in service of over servicing ... affordable and leading edge ... and friendly to a mom who didn't want to choose between living her best life and being a present parent and spouse. This organization turns 33 next year and it's been my home since 2010. I had to re-write the rules to feel like I belonged and I'm so glad I did.
Sometimes leaving is leading.
Now, at 56, I'm forging a new path ... one that is helping me advocate for grief and loss literacy. It's informed by my years at a strategist, leadership coach and business woman ... but these days, I get way more inspiration and satisfaction hanging out here, with all of you. Kim, I really do think we need to do this road trip.
Oh and a note about the men ... in sport, because it was forged in a hyper masculine era, the women in the room were equally as toxic, dismissive and hurtful. In fact, I've been harmed by the women more so than the men ... I think it's because I expected more from my sistas. Does that resonate with anyone else?
Unfortunately, yes. That's a whole different story.
You've built such a strong business Dina and have helped so many people in the sport sector and now a much wider group of people get to benefit from your wisdom as you forge your new path. I'm excited for you.
The picture you share here is very powerful Kim, as is the essay. What is still happening in our country boggles the mind as the numbers continue to drop for hockey enrollment and the powers-that-be maintain the status quo. It was shocking how they handled that situation when the news broke, I kept waiting thinking, 'now is their opportunity to do the right thing'. Sadly nope. It's interesting when something is so deeply ingrained in the culture that nothing will get it to shift. It pervades every community across the country - I have horror stories from our own idyllic town that match the national ones.
As much as we need changemakers like you I'm so glad you got out!
I was so hopeful that because it was HOCKEY CANADA the crown jewel of Canada's sport system being exposed that it HAD to be the catalyst for the governance and culture changes a few of us brave souls were trying to make at the time. I remember saying to my rep at Sport Canada, "if the governance isn't up to snuff, then withhold our funding, or there's no way for us to make the change happen." We needed a stick, not a carrot to convince the powers that be (boards and provincial executive bodies) to vote for the changes that were required. And I was told they don't withhold funding. Lo and behold, Hockey Canada lost all of it's government funding (and some major sponsors too), but they still had so much money in the bank, they could withstand it for a time. (Unlike the smaller sports whose life depends on those funds to exist.)
A few key things happened then...The government forced them to overhaul the entire board; the provincial bodies that vote for the national body board members had to play ball too which meant paying attention and not just voting in the normal cronies, friends and buddies, but people with skill sets that are suitable for running a multi-million dollar company and board. Not some friend of a friend of Dick, who used to play hockey and his son played and he's a good guy...yada yada, let's vote for him to run things. There's so much rot in the system it will take a long time to change.
The good news is one of my partners in crime who wanted to change the system was appointed the CEO of Hockey Canada after all this went down. I wished her Godspeed and hope and pray she isn't being eaten alive by the internal underbelly that is still so dysfunctional. She has a much stronger constitution than I. There are still a few good people trying to change things from within. And I keep my fingers and toes crossed for them and I'm rooting for them.
But no one in the government or the Canadian Olympic Committee should be shocked by any of the headlines coming out of these larger sport organizations. They were all warned and a few of us were practically begging them to make changes and give us what we needed to make them. To no avail. Hopefully that is changing now.
I appreciate this clarification Kim, it gives me hope that our grandchildren will have decency in sport when they get there (mine aren't born yet, sadly yours might still have to put up with some BS).
Kim, you are my soul sister, as you already know. I hate mingling but it came with the job. I hated pretending I wanted to be there, but rarely figured out how not to be. Somehow I endured and now, I get to pick and choose. Mostly I choose no, because I can.
I did notice something I liked, but please clarify if I misunderstood. It sounded as if the gender dynamic pissed off your male colleague, who kind of softened up the beach for the Marines (you!) to land and take charge. If so, he was a good guy. I’ve performed that duty myself over the years for my old guy when some moron behaves as if my old guy is invisible. I also mentored a young woman who managed one of our largest and most technically complex programs. When we went to meetings at embassies or NGO technical meetings, and if someone talked over her to me, I’d ask them why they were talking to me. I’m not the project director, she is, and my job is simply to support her. Usually they took the hint, and she quickly developed more confidence and assertiveness. I was so proud of her and I let her know.
Hi Switter, yes, you picked it up right. He got right pissed about how I was treated and the double standard. He was a very good guy. We spoke about it often after meetings. The other thing we both noticed was that if he had an idea or announced a decision that had been made, it was generally well-received, if not overtly praised. As if gold pearls were falling from his mouth. And especially if he just spelled it out.. a, b, c. The other guys would shoot rainbows up his ass falling over themselves to be on board with him. If I did the same, it was met with silence, or I was told I was too direct, pushy, etc, etc... (fill in the blank with whatever adjective.) He and I would just look at each other like, WTF?? We just said the same thing.
When I took on my last overseas job, I made a lot of changes that upset some of my expats, and some of my expats did not receive contract renewals. When I first arrived, there was a young German who managed a project apparently because of his gender, but he was a real ass. I removed him from the project, promoted his assistant who was a highly competent and educated local woman, and my personnel problems on the project disappeared. Eventually, I chose to not renew many of the expatriate contracts because our talented local staff was being held back and I am all about building local capacity. As it turned out, almost all the expat men were replaced by local women, not because they were women, but because they were the best candidates. For a couple of projects, I promoted two young men and they also excelled.
That business of talking past someone because of the age, gender, or race is maybe the fastest way to piss me off and get hammered with a full bodied rebuke. I don’t really understand why, and I’m not going to go all soul searching about it. Maybe because none of us are invisible and we all should be respected unless we behave otherwise.
Now look what I did. Probably raised my blood pressure.
P.S. you are probably lucky I wasn’t your guy, because I might have said something that crossed a line, but I would have no regrets if someone needed it.
Awww. Thanks Switter.
The world is changing, Kim, and for the better. I’m changing for the better by listening and asking questions. I think Amy Gabrielle thought I was a pig at first because her story so grabbed me, but I have such a completely different world view and experience, so I asked awkward questions about things I didn’t understand. She is patient with me and explains her perspective. I think she understands my perspective better. The world changes for the better when we don’t give up until we can understand one another.
I understand your experience much better because it so similar to mine. I know what it feels like to suffer from that thing. That dark, dreadful monster. I often think for me it would be easier to have a visible disability. And I very much understand toxic work environments that make every day like fighting a war. It’s what can happen to us humans, and it can happen to any of us regardless of our innate attributes.
Great piece, Kim. I want to hear more about this Kim. You’re a powerful woman, I’m fascinated by this person you once were. My advice for mingling at holiday gatherings? Stay home. That’s what I do! Works every time! xoxo
Thanks Nan. The stories from that era in my life are slowly starting to formulate and make their way into my drafts. Time and distance is helping me to write with better perspective. I'm sure you'll see more. Thanks for the encouragement.
I can't believe you don't go to the parties!! WHAT??!! You go on stage and perform comedy for crying out loud! You surprise me.
An excellent piece that brings back lots of difficult memories. So many receptions, so many awkward conversations and early exits. I'm glad to be done with it all.
Yes, me too. It's astounding really...all the fakery and transactional relationships yet we all did as expected. Put on our masks and away we went. Thanks for your comment.
I loved this essay and hate mingling.
When I'm with a reasonable contingent of family, we're often guilty of what we call "clumping" where we form a phalanx of Roberts to protect ourselves from the awful fate of having to mingle with others.
Once we were at an East Hampton cocktail party where we only knew the hosts. Everyone else was a stranger although they seemed to know each other. So I approached a random stranger couple and asked them, "Would you allow us to mingle with you?'
I believe I was asked to repeat the question.
My daughter, keeping herself, barely, from hysterics, tried to explain her father's strange behavior. The couple agreed but soon found a reason to step away.
It was a proud moment!
I love this David - the very straightforward request in a setting that is far from straightforward.
Clumping. That's a great term for it at a party. Hang together with your 'safe' people. You comment had me burst out laughing David. I can picture you saying that...and so politely too. I can understand why your daughter could hardly keep it together. You've got stories to dine on for days (or your kids do!) Maybe one day, you'll have to have one of them guest post for you and tell one of your older family stories, but from their perspective. That could be fun.
My 10 year high-school reunion was the first time I had a challenge mingling. I was a total wall flower, ignored. My survival go to for mingling at this time of year is to the hostess...that way I have busy things to do and I can walk away from people. And yeah I drink!
I admire your courage showing up girl. I was down the street and couldn't bring myself to do it. I should've and we could've 'clumped' together! You are an amazing hostess. xo
It really burns my bacon that they didn't immediately recognize you for the boss babe you are and bow down!
With mingling, I tend to go all yenta on people... I match like-minded people with like-minded people and set them to talking so that then... I don't have to talk to anyone. I can just sit back and observe. :)
I do DO the fake drinking thing b/c it makes people uncomfortable when I tell them I don't drink b/c of epilepsy... (it pulls focus from the event) or maybe they're wondering if you're in recovery (which is great if you are, but maybe pulls focus from the event?)... so I just let it lie.
Hahahaha!!! There definitely was no bowing.
I can totally see you being the mingling match-maker. You are a natural at it. xo
I’m a for life teetotaler, but some people can get pushy, so more than once after saying no, and if they kept pushing, I’d say, “Hey look, I’m Russian (I’m not), and I’m a mean drunk, so don’t get me started, because whatever happens will be your fault. Just saying.” People seem to shy away from the possibility of a drunk Russian.
I thought I'd be a lifer when it came to drinking too! Especially with the family I came from. Luckily, that phase was very short-lived.
It took me until lockdown to realize what an introvert I actually am. I present as extroverted, but would avoid certain situations (like friends' weddings...sorry!...or not -- I would totally RSVP no, though, LOL), or arrive early then do an Irish exit if I wasn't feeling the vibe. (BTW, I really don't think it's rude to not say goodbye to the host...they have lots of other sh!t going on. I send an email later to say thank you. I don't need to announce my departure. I think interrupting conversation for that is the rude, if not self-important, part.) But, sometimes one does what one must. Smile. Accept forced flattery. Appear charming and delighted and engaged. Then go home, utterly exhausted. And I wouldn't fake-drink. I would drink. Being at that level of arousal/alert/stress, it wouldn't have an effect, though. I've learned to target the people I need to have face time with and get that in early, be happy to meet those folks people think I need to be introduced to, then go find a quiet place to sit and chat with someone interesting. Eventually, those who need/want to will find you there. I've been accused of "holding court" that way. LOL. But, really, it's the way to do it! Saves on sore feet/spares the lower back. And then I don't get in trouble for leaving early. And I love that women executives in this century are still dealing with what women executives dealt with last century. If you don't come in like a bitch on wheels, there's no way you can be the boss. 😘 xo
Ah yes, the "holding court" mingler. The best kind!
I would drag my feet, but then once there, I could turn it on and go with it. But, it took alot out of me. I dropped the drinking not long after I started it. As a menopausal women, it just added to the shit-storm inside my body, so decided best not to adopt this habit. As much as I liked it at the time. I could see it would be a slippery slope for me. I was very lucky to have some very good people around me. They're what kept me going for so long and I still miss them. Especially around this time of year.
Invite them over for a party! No mingling required!!! I’m sure they miss you, too. xo
Oof. Kim. Just imagining trying to mingle thru this shit makes my skin crawl. I’m glad you ex-mingled yourself from this toxic scene!
Yes, ex-mingler here. My naivete did protect me for a long time though. Instead of seeing it as toxic, I just saw it as a challenge I could fix, once people understood what we were doing. So dumb! So naive.
People automatically assuming you were an underling pisses me off on so many levels.
Hubby had a kick ass woman boss. She was always smiling which made me wonder if this was her "defense mechanism" so as not to be labeled a bitch.
I don't like small talk. I'm the one at parties asking personal questions otherwise what's the point? I already know that it's raining outside.
Yes, I got very used to it. Women make great bosses. But, yes, if you're not smiling, you're a bitch. Sometimes even when you're smiling, they still tag you with the #bitch sign.
I love finding out people's stories. When I was in my job, I had to mingle and mix with everyone or I'd hear about it later. But like you, my internal default was to sit with one or two interesting people and share stories about real life stuff. Weather, schmeather I say!
II think you are amazingly insightful.
🩷🤍 See you in January my friend.