I so resonate with this. I have a few files. For me it's everything you mentioned but also the timing intuition. I ask my self if it's good timing to drop that piece. There is definitely a collective consciousness on Substack and sometimes I'm inspired to drop a piece because there's a similar topic or theme in the ether.
When the gut says -"that's my story and I'm stickin' to it" (Colin Ray) that's when that bird is ready to fly. I may be over-simplifying here but, if it doesn't feel right and the piece doesn't capture your life experience, the bird should stay in the nest.
Very relatable, Kim. Thanks for bringing this to the light— my “drafts” are full of personal writing in various states of pending, holding, waiting, unfinished, uncertain…. Some weeks (like this week!) all the writing I’ve done has felt absolutely vital personally, but too far ranging in scope or obscure to go public with yet… Just this afternoon I had to gut check whether I would push through the discomfort for the sake of hitting my self imposed publishing deadline - my gut said, Nope! Find an alternative!
You've just given me some great ideas to name my folders! I enjoy when you do publish your personal essays (and poetry). Look forward to reading it when you are ready to hit publish.
Circling around, in a holding pattern, until cleared to land. Then it's throttle forward, descend into the landing pattern, until touch down, or maybe it's touchdown, reaching the goal. Regardless, when do we think or know it's good enough to push publish? We either have the required confidence to say it's OK, and yes it could be better if I keep editing and revising, and let it go into the ether or onto the printed page. I wrote a related piece a few years ago, herewith:
Thanks Gary. I'm not too worried that it's not good enough. Having been a writer in the corporate space for decades, I had to get over everything I wrote being precious a long time ago. However, it's more a matter of if it feels like it's the right timing to share what I want to share. For me, for readers. It's weird, but subtle. And hard to explain.
I enjoyed your article. It's spot on for those days when you do worry if your writing is good! Which most writers seem to go through.
Thanks, Kim. I get that! Timing is important and depending what our objectives are or maybe it's what we sense internally about is this or is this not the right, best time to push the button? When we pay attention to our sense and sensibiiltiy (not the novel by Jane Austen!) the outcome may be different than otherwise. I have edited myself silly and had editors do better by me than I could. So we keep on writing and wondering. Wonderful! I think you're onto something, while subtle, that is terrific and important. Hope to learn more about that.
Oh yes. I have two sons. One bought me roses and had them in a vase, waiting for me, when I returned from a trip on Thursday before the big day. He called me; came over on Mother's Day and we ordered dinner together. The other texted me "Happy Mother's Day" and that was it. No phone call; no gift; no nothing. Then on Monday evening he Facetimed me for over an hour. I know they both love me a LOT and their random acts of kindness and love are what matter. I did tell son #2 that I would have appreciated a call on Mother's Day, but that I was happy to talk with him any time and to never stop calling me. My mom loaded us all with guilt trips; I have tried very hard not to do the same with my kids.
Hi Anne. Thanks for sharing your experience! What a lovely sentiment and I feel the same way. I saw my son the next day when he came over and spent some time together. He has a wife and young son of his own, so I know they're making their own family traditions on various holidays. He doesn't need any additional stress from me when I do see him. But I agree, sometimes it's hard to remember to be the adult/mom in the relationship when emotions come into play.
P.S. I'm not sure why your comment ended up under this post instead of the mother's day one, but glad to have you here.
Really nicely done, Kim, and it oh so resonates—as I’ve been an asker of that Q and a stumbler over that response. We can’t make our identity our job, profession or how competent we are in a sport.
My trigger question has been “are you retired.” Although I worked for pay after my youngest child started school, I never had a career. And when I quit my job, moved across the country to care for my aged mother, I didn’t know how to answer. Retired from what? And I sure as hell was working (and writing about it), I just wasn’t getting paid. I started saying I was “restoryed,” then made them listen to what that meant to me. Now, fast approaching 72, and with a published memoir, no one asks anymore. I still don’t know what retired means. It’s another question that needs to go away and be removed from forms.
I was going to use that as a fall-back answer, "I'm retired." Or at the very least "semi-retired" but as you say, that didn't seem right.
Here's another question I just realized needs to go away. "Don't you know who I am?" I've been thinking of all the funny/stupid questions people have asked me over the last few years. Or the ones that are bugging me anyhow. That one popped up this morning! I must write about that character. He was something alright.
Also, congratulations on your published memoir!! I'm hoping one day that I will be published--essays, memoir, books. Just figuring it all out now. Thanks for being here and sharing your story.
Oh I can so relate to this Kim! Our bodies have their own timing and I, too, am learning to listen to this. Even prioritize. While our minds like to push, question, and judge our process, giving our body (and nervous system more specifically) space to integrate, digest, and feel all the feelings, ultimately produces more aligned work…in my humble opinion!
I agree with all of this. My topical essays I can churn out easily, but personal essays require a lot more caution. I have a few I've been meaning to write but they don't feel quite right yet.
"I’m struggling to write about an experience, so I’m writing around it.
I circle it, like a distrustful cat, watching it like prey, as it stays stock still in the middle of the page, staring back at me, pretending it doesn’t see me, yet taunting me."
A beautiful way to put a common experience I have.
Hi, I, too, am in the process of building a new me - after the death of my husband three years ago. We had been married for 63 years and then I was on my own. I admire your courage as you take the next steps.
oof, this resonated. I am often doing that "are we ready?" gut check before pressing publish, and it's important to me that I protect the part of myself that shows up to write and be vulnerable. The choice to press 'publish' is one of the most important choices we make as writers and I sometimes really wish I'd an editor (or other writerly guide) alongside me in those moments.
In the absence of those supports though, my gut has yet to steer me wrong.
I see you have a comms background Clare so you would've been used to having everything edited and proofed before it went out the door just like me. And it feels odd not to have that which is why I get twitchy sometimes. I too wish I could have an editor. When it comes to being writer, editor, proof reader and publisher all in one, we can only rely on our gut at this point. Thanks for dropping by in the comments. Glad to have you here.
"How does my body feel when I am about to decide?" Learning to do this now, learning its language, learning to stop and really pay attention. When survival meant ignoring it for so many years, decades, it's a hard pattern to break, but oh so very rewarding. Sometimes I wonder how I could have not run to my own side to sit with myself.
"Personal essays take time to write because they need space to breathe once they’re on paper. To properly come alive and feel ready. Not rushed out the door to meet an arbitrary publishing deadline."
Yes, yes and yes!! I'm coming to a place where I really need to honor this. Actually, I'm kind of not having a choice, because the cadence of my healing is demanding it. It's okay to have guidelines, and I know it's helpful for our readers to be able to expect your writing will come out on certain days, because otherwise they can get overwhelmed by all the stuff that comes their way, and miss you if you're intermittent.
BUT I find if I'm held to the publication dates, then an artificial distance comes between my thoughts and the page, because I'm producing and not writing in a way that is both creative and honors my truth and its own timing.
So I am learning to honor the rhythm of breathing into and with the creative process. No one is entitled to your heart, and you share so much of yours. Hold it lovingly, and let yourself listen to your body and all the beautiful ways you talk to yourself.
This post really speaks to me, and I needed to hear it. Thank you for sharing this powerful insight. ❤️
I too write personal type essays and so relate to what you’ve written. I do percolate, and angst over timing, for the reader and for me. I can go down a rabbit hole. The body has such great intelligence that learning to listen to it is so helpful. Enjoyed your share.
Good questions to ponder about when to write and/or publish personal essays. I've discovered sometimes I need to write about a painful experience for my own benefit, just to vent those emotions and reflect on what happened. Sometimes I still publish the essay, because I think it will resonate with others and I want to share my thoughts about the event publicly. Other times I wait to publish it until I'm less emotional and more sure I'm okay with anyone, including others who were involved in the experience, potentially reading it. And occasionally I never publish it.
I so resonate with this. I have a few files. For me it's everything you mentioned but also the timing intuition. I ask my self if it's good timing to drop that piece. There is definitely a collective consciousness on Substack and sometimes I'm inspired to drop a piece because there's a similar topic or theme in the ether.
And then sometimes I say, Never. This one sucks.
Ah yes, the timing intuition. When to drop the piece, and also wanting to make sure you don't miss the window if you do decide to wait!😜
P.S. that cat reference was for you. xo
Haha. Love it. 🥰
When the gut says -"that's my story and I'm stickin' to it" (Colin Ray) that's when that bird is ready to fly. I may be over-simplifying here but, if it doesn't feel right and the piece doesn't capture your life experience, the bird should stay in the nest.
This mother hen is waiting until I'm sure those little chicks won't land on their heads! Love the analogy Mark! :)
Thanks, I'd say that's a good perspective to take.
Very relatable, Kim. Thanks for bringing this to the light— my “drafts” are full of personal writing in various states of pending, holding, waiting, unfinished, uncertain…. Some weeks (like this week!) all the writing I’ve done has felt absolutely vital personally, but too far ranging in scope or obscure to go public with yet… Just this afternoon I had to gut check whether I would push through the discomfort for the sake of hitting my self imposed publishing deadline - my gut said, Nope! Find an alternative!
You've just given me some great ideas to name my folders! I enjoy when you do publish your personal essays (and poetry). Look forward to reading it when you are ready to hit publish.
Circling around, in a holding pattern, until cleared to land. Then it's throttle forward, descend into the landing pattern, until touch down, or maybe it's touchdown, reaching the goal. Regardless, when do we think or know it's good enough to push publish? We either have the required confidence to say it's OK, and yes it could be better if I keep editing and revising, and let it go into the ether or onto the printed page. I wrote a related piece a few years ago, herewith:
https://garygruber.com/when-is-good-enough-good-enough/
Thanks Gary. I'm not too worried that it's not good enough. Having been a writer in the corporate space for decades, I had to get over everything I wrote being precious a long time ago. However, it's more a matter of if it feels like it's the right timing to share what I want to share. For me, for readers. It's weird, but subtle. And hard to explain.
I enjoyed your article. It's spot on for those days when you do worry if your writing is good! Which most writers seem to go through.
Thanks, Kim. I get that! Timing is important and depending what our objectives are or maybe it's what we sense internally about is this or is this not the right, best time to push the button? When we pay attention to our sense and sensibiiltiy (not the novel by Jane Austen!) the outcome may be different than otherwise. I have edited myself silly and had editors do better by me than I could. So we keep on writing and wondering. Wonderful! I think you're onto something, while subtle, that is terrific and important. Hope to learn more about that.
Oh yes. I have two sons. One bought me roses and had them in a vase, waiting for me, when I returned from a trip on Thursday before the big day. He called me; came over on Mother's Day and we ordered dinner together. The other texted me "Happy Mother's Day" and that was it. No phone call; no gift; no nothing. Then on Monday evening he Facetimed me for over an hour. I know they both love me a LOT and their random acts of kindness and love are what matter. I did tell son #2 that I would have appreciated a call on Mother's Day, but that I was happy to talk with him any time and to never stop calling me. My mom loaded us all with guilt trips; I have tried very hard not to do the same with my kids.
Hi Anne. Thanks for sharing your experience! What a lovely sentiment and I feel the same way. I saw my son the next day when he came over and spent some time together. He has a wife and young son of his own, so I know they're making their own family traditions on various holidays. He doesn't need any additional stress from me when I do see him. But I agree, sometimes it's hard to remember to be the adult/mom in the relationship when emotions come into play.
P.S. I'm not sure why your comment ended up under this post instead of the mother's day one, but glad to have you here.
Weird! But thanks.
Really nicely done, Kim, and it oh so resonates—as I’ve been an asker of that Q and a stumbler over that response. We can’t make our identity our job, profession or how competent we are in a sport.
And yet, we spend our lifetimes trying and not knowing any better. Doh. 🤦🏼♀️
My trigger question has been “are you retired.” Although I worked for pay after my youngest child started school, I never had a career. And when I quit my job, moved across the country to care for my aged mother, I didn’t know how to answer. Retired from what? And I sure as hell was working (and writing about it), I just wasn’t getting paid. I started saying I was “restoryed,” then made them listen to what that meant to me. Now, fast approaching 72, and with a published memoir, no one asks anymore. I still don’t know what retired means. It’s another question that needs to go away and be removed from forms.
I was going to use that as a fall-back answer, "I'm retired." Or at the very least "semi-retired" but as you say, that didn't seem right.
Here's another question I just realized needs to go away. "Don't you know who I am?" I've been thinking of all the funny/stupid questions people have asked me over the last few years. Or the ones that are bugging me anyhow. That one popped up this morning! I must write about that character. He was something alright.
Also, congratulations on your published memoir!! I'm hoping one day that I will be published--essays, memoir, books. Just figuring it all out now. Thanks for being here and sharing your story.
"What do you do?" "Whatever I damn want." Nuff said.
Oh I can so relate to this Kim! Our bodies have their own timing and I, too, am learning to listen to this. Even prioritize. While our minds like to push, question, and judge our process, giving our body (and nervous system more specifically) space to integrate, digest, and feel all the feelings, ultimately produces more aligned work…in my humble opinion!
I agree with all of this. My topical essays I can churn out easily, but personal essays require a lot more caution. I have a few I've been meaning to write but they don't feel quite right yet.
I'll look forward to reading them when you (and they) are ready.
"I’m struggling to write about an experience, so I’m writing around it.
I circle it, like a distrustful cat, watching it like prey, as it stays stock still in the middle of the page, staring back at me, pretending it doesn’t see me, yet taunting me."
A beautiful way to put a common experience I have.
Thanks Safar.
Hi, I, too, am in the process of building a new me - after the death of my husband three years ago. We had been married for 63 years and then I was on my own. I admire your courage as you take the next steps.
I’m sorry for your loss Janice. I look forward to hearing from you as you discover more about your new self. Thanks for being here.
oof, this resonated. I am often doing that "are we ready?" gut check before pressing publish, and it's important to me that I protect the part of myself that shows up to write and be vulnerable. The choice to press 'publish' is one of the most important choices we make as writers and I sometimes really wish I'd an editor (or other writerly guide) alongside me in those moments.
In the absence of those supports though, my gut has yet to steer me wrong.
I see you have a comms background Clare so you would've been used to having everything edited and proofed before it went out the door just like me. And it feels odd not to have that which is why I get twitchy sometimes. I too wish I could have an editor. When it comes to being writer, editor, proof reader and publisher all in one, we can only rely on our gut at this point. Thanks for dropping by in the comments. Glad to have you here.
I love how you articulate. I feel myself in your writing.
Thanks Michelle. xo
"How does my body feel when I am about to decide?" Learning to do this now, learning its language, learning to stop and really pay attention. When survival meant ignoring it for so many years, decades, it's a hard pattern to break, but oh so very rewarding. Sometimes I wonder how I could have not run to my own side to sit with myself.
"Personal essays take time to write because they need space to breathe once they’re on paper. To properly come alive and feel ready. Not rushed out the door to meet an arbitrary publishing deadline."
Yes, yes and yes!! I'm coming to a place where I really need to honor this. Actually, I'm kind of not having a choice, because the cadence of my healing is demanding it. It's okay to have guidelines, and I know it's helpful for our readers to be able to expect your writing will come out on certain days, because otherwise they can get overwhelmed by all the stuff that comes their way, and miss you if you're intermittent.
BUT I find if I'm held to the publication dates, then an artificial distance comes between my thoughts and the page, because I'm producing and not writing in a way that is both creative and honors my truth and its own timing.
So I am learning to honor the rhythm of breathing into and with the creative process. No one is entitled to your heart, and you share so much of yours. Hold it lovingly, and let yourself listen to your body and all the beautiful ways you talk to yourself.
This post really speaks to me, and I needed to hear it. Thank you for sharing this powerful insight. ❤️
Hi Kim,
I too write personal type essays and so relate to what you’ve written. I do percolate, and angst over timing, for the reader and for me. I can go down a rabbit hole. The body has such great intelligence that learning to listen to it is so helpful. Enjoyed your share.
Good questions to ponder about when to write and/or publish personal essays. I've discovered sometimes I need to write about a painful experience for my own benefit, just to vent those emotions and reflect on what happened. Sometimes I still publish the essay, because I think it will resonate with others and I want to share my thoughts about the event publicly. Other times I wait to publish it until I'm less emotional and more sure I'm okay with anyone, including others who were involved in the experience, potentially reading it. And occasionally I never publish it.