This post was originally published in June of 2023. Many of you are new to this newsletter since it was first published, so I’m brining it out of the archives. Enjoy!
Hello dear reader.
Do you have people in your life who know how to stop and smell the flowers? As in, they don’t have to remind themselves, or make a point of doing this. It’s inherent in them.
For me, the person is my husband.
When we met at university he took me on a hike for our first date to a place called East Sooke Park. It’s more like a remote trail on the rugged west coast of British Columbia in Canada (as opposed to what you might think of when I say ‘park’.)
For one of our next dates he took me camping to a place called Mystic Beach. Again a beautiful remote beach at the end of a long and winding west coast road following the ocean.
We left after school, so by the time we arrived at the trailhead it was already getting dark.
This was 36 years ago, so there was no ‘trail’. If you knew the spot on the side of the road to stop, you could follow a steam down to the most spectacular sandy beach I had ever seen.
I heard it before I saw it. The waves were crashing onto the shore and the sound reverberated up the mountainside.
This, coupled with the sound of the stream beside us and the dusky, dark canopy of trees above and around us made for a setting right out of a scary movie—and yet it was absolutely magical. And exciting.
I had never done things like this before. But, I could see this was a pattern with him and I liked it.
My now husband was so unusual to me. He was like a unicorn. He was nice. He was kind. He loved being outdoors in nature. He was tall and he was handsome. He still is all these things and more.
I had never met anyone like him.
He is an artist.
He always brings a sketchbook with him when we go on holidays and he draws what’s in front of him. Landscapes, boats, flowers, ocean, people.
There is something very calming about this for me. Watching him sketching. I use my camera. He uses his sketchbook to make picture memories. We often give those to friends as gifts or mementos of our time together.
He taught me how to stop and smell the roses—and guides me back when I forget.
Being present in the world, in the moment, does not come naturally to me. My modus operandi has been to keep moving—to the next goal, the next challenge, the next thing that needs to get done.
He looks up into the sky and points out interesting clouds, or stars.
He marvels at things I would never notice, or even think to—shapes, colours, sounds, animals, nature.
And, he always looks on the bright side. Always.
When I first met him, I thought this was weird, but in a cool kind of way. Who does this? Nobody I had ever known before.
He is full of wonder.
Sometimes this is infuriating. “Can’t we just get there already?!”
I was always in a hurry to get to the destination. He enjoys the ride.
I am yin and he is yang.
I woke up early in the morning from a nightmare. They have started again.
This time I was facing down someone with a gun. Always before it was someone who was about to hurt me—sexually or physically. No weapons, just a person.
This time, I knew I wasn’t going to get hurt. I was going to die.
I was yelling for help, but there was also an acceptance. If help didn’t come, I was choosing to die.
The other choice was to go where the gun-toting man in my dream told me.
No thank-you.
My screams woke my husband up as well as myself. He said my whole body was shaking and I was saying something, but he couldn’t make out the words.
I told him I was crying “Help me!”
My 2-year-old grandson, who was there for a sleepover, was sleeping on a mat beside the bed did not wake up, luckily.
What does any of this have to do with my unique and wonderful husband?
The next night before we fell asleep, he suggested if I was in the middle of a nightmare, I should ask him to come and help me.
Conjure him and he would be there. My knight in shining armour.
Me: “But you are never, ever in my nightmares. You are too nice to be in nightmares.”
Husband: “Hmmmm. OK.” «long pause» “You need a spirit animal.”
Both of us are quiet for a moment, thinking…
Me: “What do you think my spirit animal should be?”
Husband: “A bear.”
Me: “That’s good. I was just thinking about a bear.”
I was picturing the bear in the movie The Revenant, with Leonardo DiCaprio. Remember the one? Huge grizzly bear standing on his hind legs, bellowing with his claws out and towering above Leo.
Husband: “A white bear.”
Even when it comes to thinking about spirit bears who might come and help you in the middle of a nightmare—we are yin and yang.
Me: “I’m going to name my spirit bear Zenith.”
Husband: “That’s a great name for your bear.”
I went to sleep that night with a smile. Somehow my husband knows how to make things better, lighter and funny.
Googling the meaning of Zenith the next morning it fit perfectly for my spirit animal; “the time at which something is most powerful or successful” and in astronomy terms, “the point in the sky directly above the observer.”
So, either way, my spirit animal will be powerful and directly above me. Revenant style grizzly, or the rare white one, fittingly known as the spirit bear.
As we celebrate the men in our lives this month, I want to acknowledge the father of my children and the man who has done more to protect me and love me than anyone, ever.
I feel loved, I feel held and I feel safe.
Happy (belated) Father’s Day to the best man I know.
What say you?
Who’s your person? (can be anyone—lover, friend, family, nemesis) Tell us about them.
If you have a spirit animal, what is it, or what would you want it to be? Does it have a name?
Are you a “look on the bright side?” kinda person, or not so much? If not, how/who helps to bring more of it into your life?
This is awesome! I love the pics of your different Spirit bears but even more I love that he would suggest such an amazing idea.
It must be so hard to struggle with nightmares, I hope this has helped.
Thank you for sharing this Kim.
You found your guy—and your spirit animal. It is truly miraculous and wonderful. Blessings to you 🙏