Also, your second footnote is an almost word for word description of the organization where I worked. Are we certain we didn’t work for the same outfit?
Did your human resource department think of human resources as a type of coal, concrete, steel, or lumber to be used up, instead of as sentient beings with souls? If so, we actually did work for the same outfit. MegaMonoCorp, or ACME for short. Beep beep.
Kim, I found an item you need to think about: “Turns out, I’m exceptionally good at winging it. And, more importantly, making it look like I’m not really winging it.”
I was the same way. I also was the one who always got sent out to solve the nastiest problems on a moment’s notice. One Christmas office party, the big boss presented my wife with a lovely bouquet of flowers and thanked her for understanding that I needed to travel to Bolivia to take care of a critical emergency. My wife glared at me (as was her right) and I shrugged innocently, because I was as surprised as she was.
When I got back from cleaning up the mess, just in time for Christmas Eve, thank goodness, I was full of fire. I’m the type who turns it inward, which is good for the people around me, but for once, I decided to have a little conversation about it with my boss.
“What do you think I am, your personal Marine Corps?”
He thought for a moment, then said, “You’re good at thinking on your feet and cleaning up messes. Besides, you don’t seem to feel pain.”
I said some things, but kept doing what I did best, winging it and feeling no pain. It was a problem I came so close to addressing, but didn’t follow through.
And that’s how I ended up nearly falling off the edge.
Ah Switter, thank you. I know you know, and I know you care. I’m so grateful. I can assure you, I have no intention of getting back into the arena. I have no desire to go back to look over that cliff edge. As far as I’m going to go is the end of my driveway to sell flowers. No cliffs, no arena. No winging it.
This last month was a simple test to answer some lingering questions. It did what I needed it to do. I gained much needed clarity.
Now that it’s done I’m looking forward to properly connecting for our chat if you’re still game.
Of course I am still game. I love meeting and talking to my Substack friends. And they truly are friends. I even get to meet a few from time to time. Tara Penry and I get together a couple of times a year. She is such a great teacher and friend. I’ve talked to others by phone and last week I had lunch with a Substack friend. Each one, especially Tara, has helped me improve my writing and have added layers of delight.
I’m also going through a metamorphosis as I shed some things and focus on others. I have two book ideas, one smaller and one much larger, and they are starting to take shape. The great thing about Substack is that one can learn what people prefer, enjoy, and respond to. I’m not a pure, misunderstood artistic soul. I write to make connections by touching hearts. I want to make people feel some of what I’ve felt in the world, both the good stuff and the stuff that makes us think.
I’ll dm you my phone number and we can set a time.
Fascinating experiment Kim and so glad you shared your experience. So many feel like this when they've ended up on the corporate workaholic trail and habitual burnout.
I'm always testing things out for myself and my clients so we take off the pressure to perform at our detriment.
What a great experiment, mostly. Great in that it was successful in you finding out what you can do and that you were able to draw your final line in the sand. Not so great for your nervous system. Luckily you know exactly what to do to recover and go on to have a grand time with that gorgeous flower stand and those grandbabies. Also your daughter's website is amazing, well done to her! (I am just spouting bad lingo and poor grammar all over the place tonight...can I blame it on the end of the week?)
That's exactly why I felt ready to try this experiment Donna. I had a good support system around me and would know what to do if things did go sideways. As for my burgeoning flower stand, I bought two bags of full of tulip and daffodil bulbs--bursting with different colours. I'm so excited to see what pops up in the spring. And yes, those grand-babies are what's kept me going this whole time. My daughter is multi-talented and I'm so proud of her. I'm hoping I am a cautionary tale so she can find a better balance than I did. She's watching and (un)learning from her mama--in a good way!
Thanks Mary. It certainly didn't feel like that at the time, but I have come to appreciate that was the first big step of this whole journey. I thought I was being weak. I see it so differently now.
What a wonderful revelation Kim! No need to feed that workaholic anymore. Sounds like she’s moved over and is now letting new characters in your inner theater breathe. What a joy to hear what you’re moving toward. 💛
What a beautiful way to put it Kimberly. I do feel like there's a few new characters coming to the fore and being allowed to take a breath. I suppose these last few years have been about making space so whatever or whoever needed to come forward would have the room to do it. Mission accomplished. I just had no idea that was the mission. xo
Just love everything about your living lab. So generous of you to share what you discovered with us. I appreciated Smither's sharing and the word "metamorphosis '. There's a beautiful poem by Caroline Miskenack with the same title that might be worth tracking down ... her line "transformation you've learned is mostly ugly and disjointing before the turning out of something beautiful." For me it's such a beautiful way to hold our pain... the beauty of authenticity comes at a cost. And traveling through our pain is what brings meaning and purpose to our lives. I also loved that you are moving towards new metrics to measure ... measuring how your body feels, and does this bring you joy, and can you slow your pace to just be ... to smell and taste and feel?
One last thought ... I offer the word renewalment over retirement ... it feels more authentic, feminine and descriptive of what you are entering into.
One question you always used to ask me, and now I just do this intuitively, is: “where are you feeling this in your body?” If it’s my throat and my chest, I know. STOP. ✋ The tight constriction where I can’t breathe, can’t speak. I know to stop long before I get to that point now. Which is a gift and revelation. So simple. Listening to my body. Who knew?! (Trick question because of you did of course!) 🙏
And I’ll be sure to check out the poem. Something good for both Switter and I likely.
Also, your second footnote is an almost word for word description of the organization where I worked. Are we certain we didn’t work for the same outfit?
lol. I’m certain. I flew around to a lot of countries, but not the same ones as you.
Did your human resource department think of human resources as a type of coal, concrete, steel, or lumber to be used up, instead of as sentient beings with souls? If so, we actually did work for the same outfit. MegaMonoCorp, or ACME for short. Beep beep.
Kim, I found an item you need to think about: “Turns out, I’m exceptionally good at winging it. And, more importantly, making it look like I’m not really winging it.”
I was the same way. I also was the one who always got sent out to solve the nastiest problems on a moment’s notice. One Christmas office party, the big boss presented my wife with a lovely bouquet of flowers and thanked her for understanding that I needed to travel to Bolivia to take care of a critical emergency. My wife glared at me (as was her right) and I shrugged innocently, because I was as surprised as she was.
When I got back from cleaning up the mess, just in time for Christmas Eve, thank goodness, I was full of fire. I’m the type who turns it inward, which is good for the people around me, but for once, I decided to have a little conversation about it with my boss.
“What do you think I am, your personal Marine Corps?”
He thought for a moment, then said, “You’re good at thinking on your feet and cleaning up messes. Besides, you don’t seem to feel pain.”
I said some things, but kept doing what I did best, winging it and feeling no pain. It was a problem I came so close to addressing, but didn’t follow through.
And that’s how I ended up nearly falling off the edge.
Give it some thought, but only because I care.
Ah Switter, thank you. I know you know, and I know you care. I’m so grateful. I can assure you, I have no intention of getting back into the arena. I have no desire to go back to look over that cliff edge. As far as I’m going to go is the end of my driveway to sell flowers. No cliffs, no arena. No winging it.
This last month was a simple test to answer some lingering questions. It did what I needed it to do. I gained much needed clarity.
Now that it’s done I’m looking forward to properly connecting for our chat if you’re still game.
Of course I am still game. I love meeting and talking to my Substack friends. And they truly are friends. I even get to meet a few from time to time. Tara Penry and I get together a couple of times a year. She is such a great teacher and friend. I’ve talked to others by phone and last week I had lunch with a Substack friend. Each one, especially Tara, has helped me improve my writing and have added layers of delight.
I’m also going through a metamorphosis as I shed some things and focus on others. I have two book ideas, one smaller and one much larger, and they are starting to take shape. The great thing about Substack is that one can learn what people prefer, enjoy, and respond to. I’m not a pure, misunderstood artistic soul. I write to make connections by touching hearts. I want to make people feel some of what I’ve felt in the world, both the good stuff and the stuff that makes us think.
I’ll dm you my phone number and we can set a time.
Fascinating experiment Kim and so glad you shared your experience. So many feel like this when they've ended up on the corporate workaholic trail and habitual burnout.
I'm always testing things out for myself and my clients so we take off the pressure to perform at our detriment.
Great to see how others are doing this too.
What a great experiment, mostly. Great in that it was successful in you finding out what you can do and that you were able to draw your final line in the sand. Not so great for your nervous system. Luckily you know exactly what to do to recover and go on to have a grand time with that gorgeous flower stand and those grandbabies. Also your daughter's website is amazing, well done to her! (I am just spouting bad lingo and poor grammar all over the place tonight...can I blame it on the end of the week?)
That's exactly why I felt ready to try this experiment Donna. I had a good support system around me and would know what to do if things did go sideways. As for my burgeoning flower stand, I bought two bags of full of tulip and daffodil bulbs--bursting with different colours. I'm so excited to see what pops up in the spring. And yes, those grand-babies are what's kept me going this whole time. My daughter is multi-talented and I'm so proud of her. I'm hoping I am a cautionary tale so she can find a better balance than I did. She's watching and (un)learning from her mama--in a good way!
Yes, perhaps our legacy will be the (un)learning of our children.
Kim, You are brave: Leaving that job for three years proves that! Go girl!
Thanks Mary. It certainly didn't feel like that at the time, but I have come to appreciate that was the first big step of this whole journey. I thought I was being weak. I see it so differently now.
What a wonderful revelation Kim! No need to feed that workaholic anymore. Sounds like she’s moved over and is now letting new characters in your inner theater breathe. What a joy to hear what you’re moving toward. 💛
What a beautiful way to put it Kimberly. I do feel like there's a few new characters coming to the fore and being allowed to take a breath. I suppose these last few years have been about making space so whatever or whoever needed to come forward would have the room to do it. Mission accomplished. I just had no idea that was the mission. xo
Wonderful realizations. Aren’t they exciting when they happen?
So exciting. The other word that keeps coming to mind is clarity. I feel like I have some clarity for the first time in a long time. xo
Just love everything about your living lab. So generous of you to share what you discovered with us. I appreciated Smither's sharing and the word "metamorphosis '. There's a beautiful poem by Caroline Miskenack with the same title that might be worth tracking down ... her line "transformation you've learned is mostly ugly and disjointing before the turning out of something beautiful." For me it's such a beautiful way to hold our pain... the beauty of authenticity comes at a cost. And traveling through our pain is what brings meaning and purpose to our lives. I also loved that you are moving towards new metrics to measure ... measuring how your body feels, and does this bring you joy, and can you slow your pace to just be ... to smell and taste and feel?
One last thought ... I offer the word renewalment over retirement ... it feels more authentic, feminine and descriptive of what you are entering into.
Xoxo
❤️❤️🥰🥰🙏🙏
Renewal. Beautiful. I love your made up words.
One question you always used to ask me, and now I just do this intuitively, is: “where are you feeling this in your body?” If it’s my throat and my chest, I know. STOP. ✋ The tight constriction where I can’t breathe, can’t speak. I know to stop long before I get to that point now. Which is a gift and revelation. So simple. Listening to my body. Who knew?! (Trick question because of you did of course!) 🙏
And I’ll be sure to check out the poem. Something good for both Switter and I likely.
Kudos for doing this sort of natural sociological experiment on yourself! It's a really clever path towards self-awareness.
Thanks David. (And for the other feedback!) much appreciated.
Kim, a brave story! Leaving your Job for three years proves that!
Kim, a brave story! Leaving your Job for three years proves that!
Kim, a brave story! Leaving your Job for three years proves that!