February Blah's and a Well Timed Sunrise.
Look for the signs, however small or large they might be, they are there.
Dear beautiful reader,
During February, the month often associated with both the blah’s and with love, here is my wish for you…
I hope you search for, find, follow and are fascinated by your own signs, for whatever it is you are seeking, wherever you might find them. Big or small, they are all around you. Even when you least expect to see them.
It is Monday morning. January is almost over. “Thank goodness,” I say to no one in particular. It is still dark outside and quiet in our bedroom. My husband has already left for work. My heart and mind are racing.
I am dreading getting out of bed.
I have woken up from a dream of being in Kona, Hawaii. My happy place. The warm breeze, the smell of the island air, slightly pungent from the sulphur of the volcanic activity, but also filled with the fragrances of hibiscus, pineapple, coconut, bananas and the Pacific Ocean. There is nothing better.
I started going to Hawaii in 2010 and would go every year for a decade—sometimes twice a year.
When the plane landed on the Big Island and I took my first step outside on the landing next to the large airplane door, my body instantly relaxed. As I descended the stairs to the tarmac, I felt happy. Joy. It became a spiritual place for me. A place I escaped to every year. To restore and refuel.
It’s a luxury we can no longer afford, and on this morning, I mourn what was. I crave the beautiful sunsets I’ve captured in my memory. I want them to last a little longer. I don’t want to let them go, so I keep my eyes closed.
I put on my meditation app and start my breathing—in through the nose, out through the mouth. Instead of emptying my mind, I am picturing the colours of the sky. The colours I first witnessed in Hawaii.
After five deep breaths, I close my eyes gently and begin my breathwork—in through the nose, out through the nose. Counting my breaths and focussing on where I’m feeling the breath move in my body, as instructed.
The mantra of the meditation I’m listening to is about compassion—for yourself and others. With my hands on my heart, I am repeating today’s mantra:
May you find ease, even in the midst of difficulty.
May you find ease, even in the midst of difficulty.
May you find ease, even in the midst of difficulty.
I’m looking for anything to help me escape the dark days and my least favourite month, February, which is just around the corner.
I want to savour the dream, the smells, the vibrant colours of the sky for a little longer.
I begin to pray. For something. I’m not sure what. A way to move through this day and this coming month with a better outlook? A more positive attitude?1
I am looking for a sign.
When I open my eyes, I see the distinct colour of pink coming through the top edges of my blinds. It’s a very odd colour for this early morning darkness. I’m confused. It takes a beat for me to figure out what is happening. The sunrise?!
I get out of bed and pull up the blind. Slightly unsure if it’s the apocalypse or I’m dreaming. I’m rewarded with a colour palette of deep purples, oranges, and the brightest pinks. The colours are reflecting on the calm dark ocean water outside my window.
“Holy shit!! I’ve gotta get out there!”
Leaping into action, I scramble for my bathing suit, my booties, gloves and toque2, knowing I don’t have much time. And by ‘out there’, I mean the ocean. I can’t get there fast enough.
I tear down the gravel pathway on the side of the house, down the steps to the water and throw myself into the ocean. It’s cold. It’s not Hawaii. It doesn’t matter.
I must get in the water. I must be out in the middle of the bay and behold this spectacle in the sky. As it changes and morphs before my eyes. God, the Universe, something(!) is putting on a show and I need to go and bathe in it. Feed my soul with it.
My mind and body are bearing witness to what I feel is a message. Directed to me. “Oh my beloved… kindness of the heart, Breath of life, I bow to you. I’m coming home, I’m coming home.”3
I am now quite literally bathing in the sunrise. The reflection of it on the water. And I, my infinitesimal speck of a body in this universe is floating inside the sunrise.
“Thank-you God, thank-you Universe, thank-you Holy Mother Mary, Jesus and Joseph,” I say to no one in particular, but it feels appropriate in this moment.
I watch as the sky morphs above me and around me. I swim out past the docks. I want to be far out and away. Marvelling at God’s creation. Reflecting the Kona sky of my dreams back to me in real time. Giving me this gift. Lifting my spirits.
“Oh my Beloved…” I keep hearing this refrain in my head. God, are you speaking to me? If you are, I hear you.
I feel instantly alive. I’m connected to nature, to God, the universe in a way I haven’t been for some time. I receive the beauty, love, light, colour and absorb it straight into my soul.
As I float in the ocean I know I will be OK. It will all be OK.
Wishing you light and love.
Keep (un)Learning. KVB. Xo
Epilogue:
By the time I got out of a warm shower that morning, the fog had rolled in and the bay was shrouded in white—calm, white, misty layers obscuring the water and land in front of me and mountain tops in the distance. The sound of silence. It was as if the brief fire show of a sunrise had never happened.
Luckily, my neighbour was also awake and snapped a photo. If not for this, I may have thought it was all a dream.
What about you? Have you had any moments or signs like this in your life?
Please check out Chris Anslemo’s beautiful piece from
. It dovetails perfectly with today’s post.Canadian version of a winter hat or cap covering your head and ears.
The Snatam Kaur’s song Ong Namo (Oh, My Beloved) song kept playing in my head, even though I didn’t really know the song or the words. I googled it when I got inside. Ong Namo is a mantra meaning “I bow to the Divine of all that is.” (or I bow to the teacher within.) I played this song over and over that day. It captured everything I felt in the water during that moment. These are the lyrics to bridge in the song:
Lotus sitting on the water
Beyond time and space
This is your way
This is your grace
This is beautiful, Kim. Proof we can find our happy place anywhere. xo
This is stunning. Your heart is wide open in this piece and I feel you even though I’m in the US. Just beautiful. Thank you for sharing. 🥰🙏